Love Suddenly

Moved!

2008-02-06T22:48:00.000-07:00

It's not actually what I've been planning, but as I'm at least doing some work over there, I figured I ought to point you all in the direction of my latest web output. Without further ado:

http://lovesuddenly.wordpress.com

Changes Coming

2008-01-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

Knowing it's entirely possible my last post drove off most of my readers, combined with the fact that I haven't posted in ages, there may be no one left to read this post. To those who have valiantly (and forgivingly) stuck it out, know that I'm contemplating a return to the blogosphere, but probably not here. I'm in the process of researching blogging platforms and contemplating what I want to bring to the world, and what the world can bring to me. Basically this is just a notification to keep your eye out for something new from me. I'll let you all know when I'm set up. Assuming this turns out the way my vague maybes indicate they might, things will be exciting.

An Explanation

2007-12-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

I know there's probably one or two people who have missed my posting, and have been wondering where I've gone. I'm still here, I've just realized I've got nothing to say. I started blogging back on LiveJournal in high school, because I knew others who did. The I introduced blogs to some friends, and they started their own. Individually they were more or (very) less kept up to date, and we'd started a trend. I liked to think I'd started a trend. We grew up, and grew bigger than LJ, so several of us migrated to blogger, taught ourselves some coding, and made the internet, and our little corner of the blog-o-sphere our own.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, like the blogs themselves, my reasons for blogging have migrated over the years. I've had hopes and dreams of eventually creating a following, and having random people I'd never met keep tabs on my life for whatever reason. Mostly though, it's been a place to keep in touch with friends, especially a few I don't see often. And because those friends were blogging, and I like to be 'in'.
Of course, as life goes on, we all make choices, and we have to live with the consequences of those choices. The summer of my 21st birthday, I chose to get married. It was done quickly, with little fanfare, but with the people that mattered to me the most around me. At that point, the people who mattered to me the most hadn't met before, so I set about remedying that problem. Introductions were made, hangouts were had, and new friendships were forged. Life was good.
Over time I realized that the choices I'd made in a very short period of time were not the ones I wanted to live with for the rest of my life. So I made the choice to change things. I left. I called it off. Maybe I ran away from something I thought was too hard. I don't know any more. Looking back on things from down the road a ways, it's easy to remember all the good things, and gloss over the bad. The only thing I know is all I wanted was the best for everyone. I wanted to be free to explore the life I'd really only just begun. I wanted him to be free to find someone who would walk next to him with the same commitment as he'd made. And I wanted to make sure my choices wouldn't lose him the friends so recently made. He didn't really have anyone else, and I knew what it was like to be alone. So I asked that they keep an eye on him, continue welcoming him into their homes, and their lives, as they'd done for me in so many times of loneliness. These people had welcomed me as family, and then they'd offered that same welcome to him. I didn't want him to lose that welcome.
I never imagined that that desire would in turn mean that I would lose the welcome I wanted him to receive. But I have been taught of late to look at things realistically. While they had welcomed me, I did not share the belief system this family held dear. My choices violated those beliefs. My choices created a victim, and it is often natural to side with the underdog. At first I thought it was just the new distance. I was reassured over and over, by someone without my familiarity, that I was seeing things that didn't exist. That time would set everything to rights, and that all would be as I remembered. Well, it takes one to know one, as they say, and I had been welcomed as one of their own.
The holidays have come upon us, and when the first came up with express unwelcome, I imagined we would simply rotate. Like trading shifts at work, he'd get Halloween and New Years, while I could take Thanksgiving and Christmas. So I settled in, somewhat bitter, for a night of handing out candy, and waiting for November to blow on by. And now December is half past, and reality has forced itself upon my delusions. Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas... I am alone and unwelcome. Traditions have carried on without me.
I find myself without friends, without my adopted family, without my blood family, dating a man whom I love, but who has settled himself into a rather solitary lifestyle. Honestly, who do I have left? The New Yorker: while we have reopened communications, he is after all, in New York. The Grunt is now in the Air Force. Anyone else that would make the list as friend is spoken to no more than once a month, and seen even less. My own blood family has never been close. My sister is busy being successful, my brother is still in high school, and my parents have decided that they believe certain things about my choices, and have chosen to not support me. And now my adopted family has chosen the same. Consciously or otherwise, I'm out.
I'm not looking for protestations otherwise, actions speak for themselves. I'm simply explaining why I haven't written in some time, and why it's likely I won't be writing again soon. I stopped writing for myself a long time ago, and now that the people I continued writing for have moved on, I see no reason to continue. It's not that I want friendships to disappear, I just have to accept that the level of the friendship I'd come to rely upon is gone.
I will mourn it's passing for a long time. I wish I could just let it go, but it's like finding out your family is dead. These people were my family, and I thought the believed as I did, that family is forever, no matter what. But in the end, I wasn't really family. I wasn't blood. Those who warned me were right in the end. I want you all to know that I love you all dearly, and that I will miss you all very very much. Thank you for the time we have had together, and I wish you all the very best as you continue in your lives, and your families, blood and chosen.

Monday, November 19th, 2007

2007-11-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

As you have all realized by now, I have fallen off the NaBloPoMo bandwagon. I am still here however, and I've found a site I'd like to share with you all. As you may or may not know, at the October 2007 session of the LDS conference, a woman named Julie Beck gave a talk entitled "Mothers Who Know." While not entirely controversial by an LDS perspective, it has still generated a great deal of dialog both in the blog-o-sphere and offline. From what I have read, the reactions have run the gamut from utter outrage to joyous praise. I've read the talk, and while I can see its merit for LDS mothers in certain situations, I don't believe that it does a good job of addressing the wide range of LDS women. Women in other cultures, those who are single, or unable to have children, those who by necessity must work outside the home, etc. can easily feel marginalized by her talk. A group of LDS women have gotten together and published a statement sharing what they feel is a counter to Julie Beck's talk, addressing the more universal nature of womanhood. They have asked for signatures at the bottom in support of their statement, and I have added my name. While I am not LDS, I feel that the statements they've shared are worthwhile and uplifting. I encourage you all, men, women, fathers, mothers, etc. to similarly show your support if you agree with the things these women have to say. Without further ado: Women Who Know.

Day Fourteen

2007-11-14T19:14:00.000-07:00

Blah, blarg and all things lack of anything interesting to post. But post every day I have, and continue on I shall.

Day Thirteen Part 2

2007-11-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

So I signed all my papers and such for Game Stop and I'll start working next week. I'm a little miffed I couldn't start right away (yes I'm that bored) but everything in due time I suppose. Fortunately, I think I'm really going to have a lot of fun at this job. Everyone seems to have a good sense of humor. Including one fellow who today demonstrated his ability to quote Beevis and Butthead in a Mickey Mouse voice. I almost wet my pants. Even if you don't think B&B are funny, this is freaking hilarious.
One of the oddities of being me: For some reason, I find it easier to be productive during the day if I have something I have to work around. If my time is completely open to me I don't get anything done, but if I've got somewhere to go, I have a set amount of time to accomplish things and then they get done. The nice thing is, at the moment, my list of "things to get done" mostly includes relaxing tasks like reading the books I grabbed from the library and watching some more Babylon 5.

Day Thirteen

2007-11-13T09:59:00.001-07:00

Something I thought you'd all like to see.

Day Twelve Part 2

2007-11-12T22:55:00.000-07:00

For your viewing convenience, and hopefully your pleasure, I've discovered you can watch whole episodes of Big Bang Theory on CBS's website. Mouse over "Full Episodes" at the top of the page and click on the show. I'm not sure if watching it online will motivate them to keep the show, but as I don't have a tv (with no regrets whatsoever) it's the only way I can support them. If I can get you all to support them as well all the better.

Day Twelve

2007-11-12T12:18:00.000-07:00

Had dinner with my parents last night. Pork chops. Pretty good. I'm entirely uninspired at the moment, thus the proliferation of two word sentences. I actually should be getting in the shower so I can head to the Gateway and accept my new job. For pittance. In other news, I've been doing a lot of reading, and can at this point with fair certainty say: I am an atheist/freethinker/non-theist/whatever they're calling themselves this week. :o)

Day Eleven

2007-11-11T08:51:00.000-07:00

So I was out all day yesterday with friends. It was a lot of fun, and brought back a lot of memories. I got a letter from the Scout Office declining my employment. The funny thing is, I had to wait four or five days for both this job and the law place to send me a letter to tell me what I already knew. As soon as I walked out of both interviews I knew I didn't have the job. I let myself hope; I can always be wrong. So I'll go in and fill out paperwork for Game Stop. It'll be fun. I've been told some of the other employees are looking forward to me working there. It'll pay jack diddly, but it'll be fun, and something to do.

Day Ten

2007-11-10T20:50:00.000-07:00

Crazy day today. More tomorrow.

Day Nine

2007-11-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

So I bought Guitar Hero 3 today. I'm more than likely going to be taking it back tomorrow. There aren't any songs I like. In case anyone is interested, I've found a great new show called Big Bang Theory. It's on CBS. Check it out.

Day Eight

2007-11-08T18:27:00.001-07:00

So I went to Liberty Park the other day and took a bunch of pictures before the fall colors are all gone. I've been a little lazy on getting them up to Flickr, but I just finished. I'll include a few in my post, to tempt you over to check out the rest of them.

Day Seven

2007-11-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

So I didn't get the coat I saw at the store yesterday. Someone had already bought it by the time BF and I got back there today. However! in a lovely turn of events, Ki gave me the beautiful khaki swede jacket she'd bought from DI, and I gave her the wool coat I was given last year. Friends are such lovely things. Thanks again babe!

Day Six

2007-11-06T18:11:00.000-07:00

So I would've posted earlier, but I've been out all day. My mother called and told me about a position up at the scout office that's looking for people immediately. It'd be full time, with benefits, and pay a lot more than the Game Stop. The woman I interviewed with said it could be a few weeks before I heard from her, so I'm not entirely sure what to do. I'll call my supervisor at Game Stop tomorrow and talk to him about it. He's an understanding guy, so I'm sure he won't be offended by me seeking other work. It's just a question of whether or not this would actually be "other work" instead of another "denial." I sure hope I get it.
In other news, I went shopping with my sister, more because she likes having another opinion along, rather than my having money. I found a real leather jacket at a consignment store for only $20. I didn't have it on me, so I didn't pick it up, but BF says we can go back and get it. Yay!
I put on some makeup for the sake of my interview, and I really like how it turned out. I haven't yet really mastered putting on makeup for a fancy evening, but I've got the casual look down. It becomes tempting to put it on more often. I really admire women who always seem to look put together. Fly Lady would talk about getting dressed to the shoes, so that no matter what came up you could just grab your keys and walk out the door feeling presentable. I love being barefoot, so I always ignored the shoe thing, but I think I want to incorporate more of the "getting dressed" ideal into my day. Even when I know I'm just going to be lounging around the house all day, I know BF would appreciate me looking good. Men really are pretty easy to please. Look nice, at least seem interested in what they're talking about, and when it reaches that point, have a regular sex life. It seems really shallow, and I know there are plenty of men out there who appreciate a lot more, but just starting there does wonders. It's sometimes difficult for me to believe that men and women really are the same species, rather than some sort of strange symbiosis.

Day Five

2007-11-05T16:04:00.001-07:00

Hallo to anyone who has found my page through NaBloPoMo! Please drop me a comment here on or my page and say hi. I'm still feeling iffy about my content, but as a friend said: I started this thing to write whatever anyway. At least today I'm getting my post in before 10:00.
The space bar on my lappy is having problems. It makes for a pretty frustrating experience. And the dryer is done, and so is dinner. I'm off!

Day Four

2007-11-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

So thus far I've gotten nothing of real worth done on the NaNoWriMo. I'm pretty much giving up on that. And my posts so far have been mostly for the sake of getting them in. Nothing of real substance, which was my intention. Yesterday and today have consisted of mostly watching Family Guy episodes. I get a kick out of them. We've also been watching a bunch of movies. Spiderman 3 was better than I expected, though his whole emo-evil phase almost ruined it for me. I hate emo that much. We also watched Phonebooth, which I liked a lot. I'm impressed by movies that step outside the norm. Most of the movie is just the main character standing in the booth talking on the phone with the sniper. I liked Cast Away for the same reason. A feature length, interesting film with almost no dialog through most of the movie. Right now we're watching One Hour Photo with Robin Williams. I like his stuff. Funny, serious, and creepy. We'll see what I think of this one.

Day Three

2007-11-03T23:56:00.001-06:00

Just squeaking in under the wire. It's 11:56 by my computer right now, and that's before the roll back for daylight savings. I almost forgot in the joy/horror/hilarity of watching Family Guy. I love this show, and I've got seven more disks to get through tomorrow. Woot!

Day Two

2007-11-02T19:02:00.000-06:00

Well, I found out the place I'd applied and interviewed with while I was sick has decided not to hire me. I am going to be working for the Game Stop at the mall. The pay is going to be WAY less, but anything is more than nothing, and I like the people I'll be working with. My supervisor said he'd call on Monday. I hung out with my sister for a little while, which was nice. It doesn't happen often cause she's usually crazy busy, but we have a good time when we do get together.

Day One

2007-11-01T08:37:00.000-06:00

And thus it begins. One month of daily posts, and one month to write a novel. Should I be attempting both at the same time, while looking for a job? Probably not. Will I still give it a try? Oh yeah. Last night was pretty uneventful. BF and I watched Unbreakable (good movie) and gave candy to the kids that came by. I managed to get rid of most of the candy that RM bought, but I've still got one almost full bag of Tootsie Rolls, a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops, a bag of Blow Pops, a bag of that insanely hard bubble gum everyone buys but no one eats, and a bowl of miscellaneous that didn't make it into bags. I know RM meant well, but those unwrappable candies are the ones my parents always got rid of, so I'm hoping other parents will be chucking them as well. Consequently, I didn't feel right giving them out.
It also gave BF and I a chance to talk about some stuff, which was good. The usual working through the relationship kind of conversation. He said we'd go out this weekend to make up for not going anywhere last night. We had talked about going to a club or something, but he wasn't going to get work off the next day, and he'd run out of money. *shrug* Oh well.

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

2007-10-30T19:40:00.000-06:00

So all day I've been thinking that I ought to post, it's been a while. But I wasn't coming up with anything to write about. I guess the memory of my UTTER MISERY yesterday was somehow repressed. Yesterday morning, at a little after seven, I threw up for the first time in four or five years. That's how rarely I get sick. Everything I've had between now and then has either been a minor cold (stuffy nose, coughing, etc) or some sort of infection. Granted, some of them have been substantial, but they aren't often, and they don't make me barf. I hate throwing up. I could never be bulimic. Without further ado: All the nasty details.
The oddest part of this particular day is that I know almost exact times for just about everything that happened to me. I woke up some time before 4:00am with stomach pains. I know this because I heard all three of BF's alarms go off. One goes off at 4:00, one at 5:00, and one at 5:30. He then usually rolls out of bed at about 5:45 freaking out because he's going to be late for work. So why the alarm has to go off at 4:00 I'll never know, but for yesterday it meant I knew what time I woke up. My alarm went off at seven, at which point I got up, feeling utterly miserable, and got in the shower. On any other day, I would've thrown the alarm at the wall (cheap alarm clocks are satisfying that way) and gone right back to sleep. Thanks to the powers that be, the one day in months I've actually had to get up on time would be the day I'm sick. I had an interview for a job I'm considering.
I whined and moaned in the shower for about 10 minutes when finally that unforgettable feeling came over me. I don't know about the rest of you, but the sensation I get when I'm about to throw up is like none other. I feel hollow. My whole body. It's very strange. I then watched as my mostly digested salad from the day before made its way out of the wrong side of my digestive tract. Fortunately, and as is usual for me, I felt much better afterward. I still wasn't feeling well, but I was feeling better. I finished getting ready, lamenting my lack of an iron, and feeling less than happy with my hair, but feeling confident that I could make a hireable impression in any interview.
I got on the bus, and tried to read to take my mind off of how un-well I was feeling. I had to leave off after just a few blocks because I felt like I was about to pass out. To my chagrin, there were no bus routes passing near my destination, so I got off as close as I could, and started to walk. I called BF on the way in hopes of getting a little support, but he didn't pick up. I'm glad I left with as much extra time as I did, as I managed to forget I was one block east of the building. I found a helpful receptionist who pointed out my error, and was kind enough to assume that I was from out of town rather than laugh at my blunder.
I made it to the building, proceeded to get mildly intimidated by the magazines available on the coffee table, and checked in with the receptionist. A few minutes later both a man and a woman came out to interview me. Both were in their early 20's like myself, well dressed casual, both in jeans. She had a handshake to throw anyone off; coming in from up high, grasp like you were her lifeline. I can respect that, and I don't let myself be intimidated by handshakes. He had a normal handshake, but he fell into the category of people who don't know someone honest enough to mention that a faux-hawk is a major faux-pah. So there I am, out of wack from being sick, and being interviewed by two people. I was feeling very out of my element. I actually completely lost my train of thought at one point, and couldn't come up with anything to save myself. Very probably the worst interview I've ever given in my life. I'm not too worried about it though. I found out the company is moving north, and I don't believe I'll have a way to get there. They said they'd let me know within the week.
At this point, all reason to maintain pluck in the face of sickness was gone. I made my way to the Gateway, knowing I wouldn't make it on a bus. I felt fairly certain I needed to stay in close proximity to a bathroom, or a vehicle that would stop readily to let me barf. It was 10:00 at this point, and I knew BF had lunch at 12:00. He works near the mall, and I was hoping he'd be able to drive me home on his break. I was the longest two hours of my life. I tried to read to pass the time, but I was extremely uncomfortable, and utterly exhausted. I went into the bathroom several times, in hopes that something would come out somewhere so I could feel better. (Not that any of you want details I'm sure.) At about 11:30 I did have some success, and felt a little better, but still insanely tired. At noon I did manage to get ahold of BF and he very sweetly swooped to my rescue. I'm sure the weepy voice I mustered over the phone spurred him on, but I wasn't trying. I'm a major pansy when it comes to being sick. Whiny, weepy, moaning, the works.
I made it through the door with enough energy to shed my clothes and fall into bed. It was a battle at that point between my aching, yicky insides and my utter exhaustion. The insides were helped along once or twice by my playful kittens, but after about an hour they settled down for a nap, and so did I. BF and RM (my roommate) got home, and I made my way upstairs to try and be social. A friend came over and the four of us went out for food, albeit reluctantly on my part. I was feeling better inside, but still crazy tired, and though I hadn't eaten anything all day, I wasn't feeling hungry at all. We went to Jerseys; a sports bar I hadn't heard of before. It was a pretty nice place, and I'm sad I wasn't able to actually eat anything. I had part of a glass of Sprite, and a few bites of cottage cheese. I made it through most of the meal pretty well, but I had to request an earlier than usual finish. I was just so tired.
I got up just before noon today, feeling much better. I haven't been very hungry, and I'm still somewhat tired, but at least I could function like a normal human being. We watched Eyes Wide Shut. I'm still not sure if I liked it. Well, I liked most of it, I'm just not sure if I liked the ending.

Friday, Ocober 26th, 2007

2007-10-26T14:06:00.001-06:00

This'll be brief, but I wanted to point you all to a site that lets you do some good with very little effort, and you might learn something in the process. Freerice.com will donate 10 grains of rice for every vocabulary word you correctly define. They put a few almost unnoticeable ads at the bottom of every page, and those ads pay for the rice you're donating. The food goes out through the UN. If you're like me, you haven't got a whole lot of free cash floating around. So here's a way to do a little bit to help, and you learn a few new words in the process. If you hop in and do 10 or 20 words a day you build your vocabulary and help keep someone from starving. What's not to love?

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

2007-10-24T18:56:00.000-06:00

I've taken this before, but it's always interesting to see how things change. According to the test at Belief.net, here's how I score. There were a few places where what I believe and what I could choose were different, so I don't entirely agree with the top choice, but what can you do?

1.	Unitarian Universalism (100%)
2.	Secular Humanism (99%)
3.	Theravada Buddhism (95%)
4.	Liberal Quakers (89%)
5.	Neo-Pagan (80%)
6.	Nontheist (80%)
7.	Taoism (74%)
8.	Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (65%)
9.	Mahayana Buddhism (62%)
10.	New Age (60%)
11.	Orthodox Quaker (60%)
12.	Reform Judaism (48%)
13.	Bahá'í Faith (44%)
14.	Jainism (42%)
15.	Sikhism (42%)
16.	New Thought (35%)
17.	Hinduism (32%)
18.	Scientology (31%)
19.	Seventh Day Adventist (31%)
20.	Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (25%)
21.	Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (25%)
22.	Orthodox Judaism (21%)
23.	Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (20%)
24.	Eastern Orthodox (15%)
25.	Islam (15%)
26.	Roman Catholic (15%)
27.	Jehovah's Witness (8%)

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

2007-10-22T14:20:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a while since I really wrote anything myself. I've had some issues on my mind that are a little more personal than I feel like sharing here. Funny, when I started this blog, I wrote a bunch of posts that mentioned people specifically, but never by name, and I was determined to write whatever I wanted, no matter who I knew was reading. Then I kinda got back into the blogging swing, and I wanted to spread the news, so I told people about this blog, linked to in places, left comments, etc. All those bloggy-type "get me more readers" things. Now that I know there are people reading this, including random passers-by, I find myself more reluctant to really speak my truth as it were. Fortunately, and in reassurance, none of the issues on my mind involve anyone reading this. It's all internal stuff. Though, I will say, I've wanted to rant about Halloween a bit, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, (you know who you are ;o), and I'm practicing just letting go of stuff that I can't do anything about. Ranting about it, at least in this case, is counter-productive to letting go.
Hell, why not, we'll jump right in. Big thing on my mind lately (always), is the question of god. I grew up Mormon, as most of you know. One of the big doctrines, at least to me, is that they claim to be the only church/religion on the face of the planet with the WHOLE truth. Other sects are allowed some claim to truth, but why would you believe in/follow any of them when they haven't got the whole thing? After I left, I looked into various other religions. I realized I just wasn't a Christian. Somehow the need for someone to suffer unbearably for the sake of everyone else on the planet just didn't make sense. Where else in any system of justice or mercy is someone else's suffering considered fair punishment? I tried Wicca/paganism, but I just couldn't bring myself to believe that somewhere out there a god and goddess like that really existed. I liked the ceremony, but I just couldn't get into it. I always felt goofy. The god/goddess thing ended seeming like an overblown metaphor for the changing seasons. I'm still attracted to the idea of celebrating the Earth's rhythms, because it's something that is observable, fairly obvious, and universal to human beings. The effects people feel as the planet orbits around the sun vary depending on your latitude, but that change still affects the entire planet regardless of belief system.
Anyway, this brings me back to god. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't really believe in any god at all. Pantheons of gods didn't make sense, they were just the archetypes of whatever man assigned to them, and there's always stuff left out. One big man god didn't make sense, at least to me, because there are men AND women. So many conservative views from monotheistic belief systems include some sort of gender role assignment. Men hunt and gather, women nurture children. I'm fine with that assessment, I believe that men and women in general have different strengths, giving them a tendency to fill a certain role. However: if the dichotomy between the sexes is so important, why isn't there some sort of perfect female consort to the monotheists god? Mormons will mention a Heavenly Mother in passing, but she is not to be prayed to, or sought for guidance, and members have been excommunicated for doing so. Catholics have Mary, but she is the mortal mother of god, and not really seen in the same light as GOD.
And then I started watching Babylon 5 again. In an episode in the first season, the station, in an effort to improve relations between species, holds a large "share your dominant religion" fest. Most of the other species throughout the galaxy had one planetary religion. When it comes time to demonstrate Earth's dominant religion, several characters are confused before entering the hall, as there are no bells, no chants, etc. The final shot of the episode is a pan down a long line of people in diverse garb, each representing their respective religions, illustrating that Earth has no one dominant belief system.
I realized that most people's view of god is much too small for the universe. I like the idea that it's possible for other life to have evolved somewhere out in this vastness besides us. Several religions, Mormonism included, even claim to believe that their god has created and is watching over these worlds as well as us. But the written doctrine is where it falls apart for me. The Bible doesn't seem to me to be written by a god with a universal perspective. And what about Christ? Did he suffer for just our sins, or for the sins of the universe? As most Christians believe Creation to be infinite in both size and time, I pose that it's impossible for Christ to have suffered for the sins of all, as his suffering, though great, was finite. If creation continues, then people everywhere continue to sin at some point. Maybe there is a Christ for each world, you say. Well I say that still seems a view too small for the universe we live in. I'm sure people will argue with my view, this isn't something I've really taken the time to research and "logic" out. It just makes sense to me.
I then got into investigating various natural (as opposed to supernatural) belief systems. Humanism always appealed, as their primary tenets are reason and compassion. Here is something I can get behind. We believe what we can see, and we are kind to our fellow human beings because we are driven to by our inner choices, as opposed to doing it because some god says so. However, they also believe that our existence ends at death. This really bothered me the first time I read it. I don't believe in god, but I think we as humans are more than science can now explain. Not that it isn't possible, it just hasn't happened yet. The idea that we continue after death is vital to every religion and spiritual system out there. Whether we come back in some form or another, or we just live out eternity in some sort of heaven or hell, every single one of them believes that we continue.
Then I remembered some of what I learned in my intro to psychology course. For the purpose of the scientists studying our brains, and the way they work, there is nothing in our personality that is found outside the neurons of our brains. No soul, no higher consciousness, no fundamental essence. Alter the brain and the person is altered. This is documented in observations of personalities before and after accidents that alter the brain. They've mapped out our view of the surrounding world on our brains. They can add a little spark to one spot and you'll swear you saw god. Belivers argue that this is in favor of belief in god. Why would we have a part of our brain dedicated to recognizing something that doesn't exist? Again, I don't know, but I think it has to do with us evolving, rather than just being put here. Anatomists have documented the evolution of various body structures even in our lifetimes. Personally? I believe the world is slowly evolving out of a need for god. A thousand years ago, the very nature of your ability to read these words would've been regarded as magic. In some places, maybe you'd be worshipped as a god, but we've evolved beyond a need for magic to explain the world around us. I believe we're reaching that point with god. We no longer need some sort of all-powerful consciousness to explain what we don't understand.
Scientists at this point are peering into smaller and smaller, and bigger and bigger things around us, and slowly fitting together the picture of reality. One scientist recently posed a theory that explained the seemingly inexplicable randomness in quantum theory. Two mathematicians rejected his theory because if it's true, then free will is an illusion. Unfortunately, or fortunately, mankind does not yet have the capability to test his theory, but we will. And who knows what we'll see. I, for one, do not believe it will be god.
I would also like to say, contrary to the beliefs of many, I think that getting rid of god puts greater responsibility on humanity, and greater freedom. Think of what it would mean. Yes all the horrible things in the world happened, and maybe they were just random. You could no longer reassure yourself that god was punishing the wicked, or strengthening the faith of the faithful. Bad people would be seen for exactly what they are. People. Human beings that have made poor, even delusional choices. People the world over, throughout history have slaughtered millions, in unthinkable ways in the name of god. God told them to, so they say. But it wasn't. It was just some deluded, evil human being, and it is up to us as human beings to rise above that depravity and better ourselves. It also means that every amazing thing accomplished by men over the centuries were accomplished by people just like you and me. All the music, the art, the stories; these were created by mere men and women. Not some holy explosion of the divine. This means that everyone who feels that god has not blessed them with some amazing talent, some incredible gift, are holding themselves back. We all have within us the capacity to create the marvels that have been unwittingly, or unrightfully attributed to a deity that doesn't exist. I see that as very encouraging.
I know at least a few of you will be saddened by what you've read here. You have your beliefs, and you are welcome to them. I'm willing to listen to whatever you have to say, in the comments here or wherever you choose to share them. I won't be offended if you choose to pray for me, whether for the sake of my soul, or calling me to some sort of repentance, either way. I simply ask that you accept me as I am. I believe there is no god. I believe I should be allowed that belief, just as you should. I think the first step to tolerance, with or without god, is accepting the right of all of us, all human beings, to believe as we see fit, so long as those beliefs do not infringe upon the choices of another person. I love you all, and if you've made it this far, I commend you. :o)

Saturday, October 20th, 2007

2007-10-20T13:33:00.001-06:00

Just in case anyone was wondering, J.K. Rowling has officially stated that Dumbledore is gay. Article here. Classic.

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

2007-10-17T20:36:00.000-06:00

Scott from ExtraLife, one of the blogs/podcasts/comics I keep up with, linked to this Flash animation of the spread of five of the major world religions. It's fairly basic and generalized, but also really interesting. It doesn't cover anything other than Hinduism, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, and Christianity, so religions that were replaced as these spread aren't shown. Again, simple, but interesting.

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

2007-10-17T08:16:00.001-06:00

I know there were a few of you who followed in my footsteps and participated in Blog Action Day. This was an official event, and there was a place to sign up and be counted among the voices. In return, I have just recieved an email that those of you who didn't sign up may not have recieved. I wanted to post it here so you all could see the results of what you participated in.

The Wrap Up

The very first Blog Action Day was an unprecedented success and
we've got the final wrap up where the site used to be at
http://blogactionday.org complete with statistics, sample posts,
details of the huge amount of press coverage we had all over
the world, quotes and more.

It's a must see. Please feel free to spread the word around as
it's great for people to really see what we achieved together.

******
Thanks

And if I could just say a huge thank you to every single one of
you, all 20,603 registered bloggers who took the plunge even if
it meant going off their regularly scheduled programming and
stood up to be counted.

Also thank you to everyone who helped out with the effort, in
particular Leo Babauta whose contacts, writing and enthusiasm
pushed the enterprise forward, my wife - Cyan Ta'eed who braved
the media and fronted up to interviews around the globe, John
Brougher who put together the superb video, Ryan Allen who
performed the elite coding to keep the site up despite barrages
of traffic and most importantly my Dad - Fuad Ta'eed who valiantly
looked through thousands of blogs to give the tick of approval,
every single day for two months.

So until next year when we get back together for
Blog Action Day 2008,

This is Collis signing off,
on behalf of the Blog Action Day team
http://blogactionday.org

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

2007-10-16T11:30:00.001-06:00

Monday, October 15th, 2007

2007-10-15T08:25:00.000-06:00

Today, for those who don't know, is Blog Action Day. I'd heard about it a few days ago, thanks to some of the larger, professional blogs I read. Funny, there are people who do exactly what I'm doing right now, for a living. Anyway, the idea is to create a whole bunch of awareness about the environment by getting everyone to post, and read, on the subject all on the same day.
As I only just barely decided to join in, I haven't really got anything planned. So I'll leave you all with this. Today was chosen as a day for millions of people the world over to have an issue on their minds. One man started this thought process, and it was picked up and brought to fruition in less than two months. "The environment" means different things to different people, and what to do about "the environment" has just as many meanings. However, it's enough of an issue that so many individuals have come together just to acknowledge its existence. I'm not saying we're all going to die, or that life as we know it is coming to an end, or that nothing is going to happen at all. I'm saying, if nothing else, our environment is full of people who care. See what you can do when you reach out, it could be amazing.

Sunday, October 14th, 2007

2007-10-14T11:42:00.000-06:00

Two words:

Anne Dee. It gets good about 50 seconds in.

Friday, October 12th, 2007

2007-10-12T10:34:00.001-06:00

So just in case you still harbored the misconception that there are things you can't find on the internet, let me turn your attention here: Giant, plush microbes. Yes ladies and gentlemen, those icky, microscopic nasties that make you uncomfortable, sick, or dead, are now yours to own in cute, fuzzy, colorful renditions that no one can resist! This is herpes, for anyone who was wondering.

Friday, October 12th, 2007

2007-10-12T09:45:00.000-06:00

Prompted by this article on Zen Habits, I've once again added a calorie count toolbar to my Firefox. Run by Calorie-Count.com, the toolbar is fully integrated with my account. So, I go in, give them all my details, and then we (the site and I) go over my goals. I personally want to be living in the 140-145 lbs. range. This is 25-30 lbs off of where I am now. They ask about your activity level and how much you want to lose, and then they make a recommendation of how many calories you should be consuming daily to meet your goal. They tell you if you want to lose too much too fast, etc.
Then you can go in on a daily basis and log the foods you're eating. They have a large selection of pre-entered foods, or you can input the information right off the label yourself. I like the toolbar, because it has a little meter right on my screen that shows how much of my daily intake I've consumed. And when you eat that piece (read bag) of Halloween candy, and half your bar disappears, it's good motivation to stay away. The site also lets you log your activities, so you can see what your burning off during the day; and there's a pie graph of how much of what nutrient you're getting so you can try to maintain a balance.
I'm not necessarily recommending the site. Everyone has to find a system that works for them. I'm a visual person, and an ease-of-use person, and an internet person. This site integrates all of those people. I'm a share my goals person, but not a stand and get weighed in front of a few dozen people I don't know person. Thus something like Weight Watchers, though effective for others I know, is not for me. Just thought I'd share!
P.S. Read a few articles on the Zen Habits site. I think you'd like this guy.

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

2007-10-10T22:39:00.001-06:00

'This............
Originally uploaded by millylillyrose

Don't you wish this really still fixed everything? Sometimes I sure feel this way.

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

2007-10-10T12:45:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm still working on my mindmap series. It's caught my attention enough that for the first time I'm writing a draft. I don't draft anything. But I've got so much to say, I want to make sure I get it all in there. In the meantime, I may need to get one of these. Who says naps can't be sexy?

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

2007-10-09T12:32:00.000-06:00

Many of you may have seen this before, but I was reminded that it existed, and I wanted to turn your attention to it once again. PostSecret.

Saturday, October 6th, 2007

2007-10-06T20:37:00.000-06:00

A good friend of mine just posted a short story on the blog she has dedicated to her writing. It brought tears to my eyes. I just wanted to share it with all of you.

Saturday, October 6th. 2007

2007-10-06T15:56:00.001-06:00

Well, I've been a little more lax on posting than I'd intended, but I've got excuses. One, I've added several feeds to my Google Reader, so I've got something new to read at almost all hours of the day. Combine this with my natural curiosity (thanks Dad), and I end up browsing/researching stuff on the net for hours and hours at a time. Consequently, to continue the growing nerdy-ness of yours truly, I'm going to start using the "share" function of said Google Reader. If I remember correctly, I can add something to my blog so you all can see what's caught my interest. I'll also post the page where my shared stuff goes.
Windows may run the world, but Google's making their way up there. I use so much of their stuff. If I did more collaborative writing, I'd definitely be all over the GoogleDocs. No need to email stuff back and forth, writers can all edit directly from the web, and then everyone else with access to the document can see, comment, and edit. Pretty crazy. They've got a word processor, spreadsheets, and a new presentation (read PowerPoint).
You all may remember the widget I had in the sidebar of my old blog that had links to all my books. Well, Google Labs is working on a project that is very similar, and yet very different at the same time. They called it Google Books (creative, I know) and one of the functions is My Library. You add books by ISBN and then you can keep track of them all, attached very nicely to everything else under your Google userID. There's even an RSS feed. I've linked to my own library, at least the ISBN's that Google recognized. There were more missing than there were in the other spot, but meh. The point is demonstrating all the fun stuff you can do with Google.
My latest big research subject has been mind-mapping. Think back to elementary school, when you had to write that "big" paper. The teacher probably talked about brainstorming at some point. You put your topic in a bubble in the middle of the page, drew lines radiating out from it, added more topics, drew more bubbles and lines, and supposedly at the end of all this, you had your paper. If you were anything like me, you did this once, found it mildly interesting but ultimately useless, and got back to stressing about/writing your paper.
Well, there was a whole subset of surprisingly productive/creative people who carried this idea with them through the rest of their life. These people, all individuals, took this idea and made it work for them, individually. The result is a whole bunch of stuff that looks almost exactly the same, but functions differently.
Because I'm realizing I have a fair amount to say on this subject, I'll let it go for now. However, a series will be forthcoming. For now, I need to go map all this out.

Wow. I'm becoming a major geek. Maybe I'll make it onto the next poster...

Thursday, October 4th, 2007

2007-10-04T11:36:00.001-06:00

Let's just jump right into it shall we? I procrastinate. A lot. Everything. It's less a habit than it's become a way of life. Often, I manage to think/worry about my procrastination so much I don't get anything done. Funny how that works.
Let's face it, it's pretty easy to get caught up in. The solution to procrastination is astoundingly simple: Do Something. However, if you were successful at doing something in the first place, you wouldn't be worried about your procrastination. So people all over have come up with ways to trick themselves out of the pit, and into accomplishing something. I haven't found any that really work for me yet. I'm a binge accomplisher. I have bursts of "doing-ness" every few days, but I'm slowly falling behind.
Merlin Mann over at 43 Folders wrote a post about his solution called the Procrastination Dash. The basic idea: set a timer for only a few minutes, or come up with some kind of crazy-easy goal, and only go that far. Work for five, eight, ten minutes. Take out one bag of garbage. Wash three plates. Something really small that you really have no reason not to do, and that isn't monumental like wash all the dishes piled all over your counter. (That would be me.) Anyway, it sounds doable. Possible. I'm going to give it a try.
If any of you have tricks you've come up with to make yourself actually accomplish stuff, let me know, I'd love to hear them.

Thursday, October 4th, 2007

2007-10-04T10:13:00.001-06:00

A little something to brighten your day.

I know, I'm on a video kick. I'll post something myself here soon, I promise.

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

2007-10-03T13:19:00.001-06:00

Now we know why giraffes have horns:

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007

2007-10-02T17:10:00.000-06:00

Today is my sweetheart's birthday. We're going to dinner with his sister, but that's about it. He's not big on his birthday. Oh well. I told him he has to let me get him something for Christmas.
As you can see, I've added a few things to the sidebar: A list of the blogs/comics I read, and a little banner for NaNoWriMo, which I will again be attempting next month. And probably NoBloPoMo as well, though I still need to check in with them. For anyone joining the insanity of NaNoWriMo, my username is lyndistine. Feel free to drop me a line.

Edit: Woot! Sidebar support added for NaBloPoMo. I'm cylentpanthur there if you want to add me to your friends.

Monday, October 1st, 2007

2007-10-01T10:16:00.000-06:00

It's still a little early in the morning (for me), so this post will be a little disjointed. First: My browser (firefox) saves things that you type into forms. Your email, your name, etc., so you don't have to type them over and over again. Rather like the auto-complete in Word. Anyway, it does this for the title section when I type these posts. Because they all start with days of the week, there's surprisingly little variation. Just the date. Consequently, and the point of all this rambling, I just learned that I did not post on any Mondays in September.
Moving on to number two: I would like to once again thank everyone for leaving me comments. I love logging in to blogger and seeing "you have comments to moderate". I adore you all. And I will make an effort to return in kind.
Three: And the real reason for starting this post in the first place, a link to a post I found through one of the blogs I read. It's the story of her aha moment when she started replacing the word "can't" with "won't". For example, she no longer says she 'can't' buy that car, she 'won't' buy that car. It becomes a choice you made yourself, rather than something the universe forced upon you. It's a distinction I'd like to try. It creates a certain personal responsibility for the world you're living in, and it makes you realize how much of that world is changeable. Anyway, check out her post here, and I've decided I need to get something on the sidebar that links to the blogs I read. So, expect more here in the near future.

Sunday, September 30th, 2007

2007-09-30T11:33:00.000-06:00

Well, after four years of work, it's finally finished. What's going to happen to it now, no one knows. Now I need to find another project to work on. I've come to rely on this one so much I feel... empty somehow without it. We'll see.

Here's a detail of the stitching for one of the eyes. I'm always facintated by the way pixels, or dots, or stitches can resolve themselves into images when viewed properly. I'm sure there's a larger metaphor in there, about the big-picture/God's-eye-view of our lives, but it's morning, and I'm still a little sick, so I'll leave it alone.

Friday, September 28th, 2007

2007-09-28T20:58:00.000-06:00

Thanks everyone for commenting, etc, I appreciate the ego stroking. I'm going to go devolve into a miserable sniveling mass. I'm not really all that sick, I just don't handle sick well. Sick well. Heh.

Friday, September 28th, 2007

2007-09-28T11:48:00.001-06:00

Heh heh heh. It worked. My "tongue lashing" has already begun to have effect. You are feeling sleepy... very sleepy.... Oh wait, that's me, because I was up WAY too freaking late last night. No, this blog is not meant to make sense. Or even socks.

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

2007-09-27T22:19:00.000-06:00

Stream of Consciousness Post:

First of all, I've had people ask me to post the few pictures I've started taking to Flickr. Presumably so they can check them out; maybe even go so far as comment. I know, crazy ideas spewing forth from the fingers of yours truly. Anyway, I'm a little frustrated that I've now linked to my flickr account twice from these posts, I know I've mentioned it in person to people I know can find there way to my page, and nothing. No comments (meh whatever, i don't usually leave them myself), not even any views! Fortunately they only count views that aren't your own so it's even easier to rag on your friends and say "Why aren't you validating my creativity!?!?"
Two, relationships are made much easier by shared interests. I'm not sure why I feel driven to mention this, but I've got eclectic tastes. I like a lot of things a little, and a few things a lot. But I find few people that can keep up with me (to put it in egotistical terms). Musically, artistically, in books, movies, television, I like a lot of different stuff, but I find it hard to find someone who likes a lot of the same stuff as opposed to picking and choosing amongst my preferences. Of course it could be said that I am the party who is outside the norm and thus outside the right to complain, but it's my post damn it.
I think a lot about friendships. I find my idea of what that means to me is different from what it means to a lot of the people I know. I suppose this goes along with the fact that there are a lot of different people in the world. Once again, not really saying anything with purpose, I'm just listening to music I like and writing whatever happens to come to my fingers. It's been a crazy few weeks.
"Everyone is lucky; everyone is so kind on the road to Shambala." Which doesn't make the cut in my firefox spell checker. Oh well. Meh, I know I'm spelling it correctly, so screw firefox. They also want me to capitalize the name of their browser, but I refuse until they let the hippies into the dictionary.
At least in part I'm hoping this post will generate some comments from the family on the hill (you all know who you are) out of the sheer strangeness and maybe length of this post. I know at least one of you is on the net a lot, and I'm pretty sure you still have my feed so write! Let me know you're here! In fact, every one of you should skip right to the bottom of the post and click the "leave a comment" link. Even my vast network of internet stalkers should say hi. I don't know if I've got more than one, and I'm not sure if he's found this blog, but if you made it over here, say hi! And go look at my pictures dammit! They aren't Smithsonian worthy maybe, but they're interesting, just like my posts. You should all read me eagerly, with abandon, and pass me on to all your friends. I'm like that really bad Chris Crocker video. I'm so annoying you have to force your suffering on the rest of the world just to mitigate the pain. That's your word of the day kids: mitigate. Go look it up.

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

2007-09-27T11:27:00.001-06:00

So last night I went to Red Lobster with the family to celebrate my little brother's 17th birthday. It was fun, we're all having a good time when I glance over at my father's pocket and what do I see? A hipster PDA. My dad works for eBay, so they're all into all of that productivity stuff. I just thought it was funny that a binder clip would be so recognizable.

I have also discovered that if you're a nerd and you want to give GTD a try, there are a vast number of geeky programs/websites that can help you out. If you're an average joe just getting started? Get a hipster PDA.

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

2007-09-26T13:48:00.000-06:00

First and foremost: Happy Birthday to my brother. It's also her husband's birthday, but they already had the party, and I've already given him my best wishes. Anyway, by popular request (ha ha) I have finally gotten around to posting more pictures to my Flickr. I've added six new ones, and taking more is on my list of things to do. Ish. It's actually on my Someday/Maybe list, but it's unlikely more than one of my vast audience of readers will understand what that means. Don't worry, take more pictures will be added to my Next Action list soon. :o)

Tuesday, September 25th, 2007

2007-09-25T10:30:00.000-06:00

So my roommate stayed home almost all weekend, and didn't go to work yesterday because he's been under the weather. Coughing, sore throat, talks funny kind of thing. Well last night I could feel it coming on, and it's still here this morning. Time to break out the mouthwash and fight!

Friday, September 21, 2007

2007-09-21T12:58:00.000-06:00

Anxiety is pretty damn shitty.

Not Really Surprised

2007-09-20T13:40:00.001-06:00

The sorting hat says that I belong in Slytherin!

Said Slytherin, "We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest."

Slytherin students are typically cunning and hungry for power. Important members include Draco Malfoy (Harry's nemesis), Professor Severus Snape (head of Slytherin), and Lord Voldemort.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

I was 73 Slytherin, 72 Ravenclaw, 69 Hufflepuff, and 66 Gryffindor

Saturday, September 15th, 2007

2007-09-15T14:26:00.001-06:00

In 1984 (the year you were born)

Ronald Reagan is president of the US

On a Challenger mission, two astronauts become the first humans to fly free of a spacecraft

An Union Carbide insecticide plant in Bhopal, India seeps toxic gas killing over 2,000

Penthouse magazine publishes nude photographs of Miss America Vanessa Williams

The Soviet Union boycotts the Los Angeles Summer Olympics

Richard Stallman starts developing GNU

"Where's the Beef?" commercial campaign for Wendy's airs for the first time

The Apple Macintosh, the first consumer computer to use a computer mouse and GUI interface, is introduced by Apple

Ethiopian famine begins

Mandy Moore and Avril Lavigne are born

Detroit Tigers win the World Series

Los Angeles Raiders win Superbowl XVIII

Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup

Ghost Busters, Beverly Hills Cop, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Gremlins, and The Karate Kid are top grossing films

"When Doves Cry" by Prince and the Revolution spends the most time at the top of US charts

Michael Jackson's hair catches fire during the filming of a Pepsi commercial

The Cosby Show, Punky Brewster, and Who's the Boss? premiere

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

2007-09-06T22:16:00.000-06:00

I'm in love. We're singing Eric Whitacre.

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

2007-09-05T15:22:00.000-06:00

Ladies and Gentlemen: I officially have Something To Do. As most of you know, I'm not working. This leaves me with a whole lot of free time. (Read: WoW time) However, I have discovered that there is only so much cleaning one can do before one starts to go insane. Adding to this is the fact that no matter how well you clean something it will eventually get dirty again. Add two guys and the timeline gets much shorter. It starts to feel like an extremely futile process. So I started looking around for something to do, that doesn't really cost anything. Volunteering! Normally to me, this sounds like a dismal replacement for "service". Lot's of people do it, not as many people like it, or it would happen a whole lot more. Not that it's a bad thing, it's just not what most people look for on a Friday night out. I however, am volunteering my time for a cause I enjoy. I'm helping out my high school choir teacher. She says she may even let me teach or work one-on-one with some of the students. Couple this with my audition for a choir next week and I am sitting pretty.

Friday, August 31st. 2007

2007-08-31T05:51:00.001-06:00

Thanks to a good friend, I have discovered a new favorite webcomic. Warning: there are the occasional f-bombs and vaguely suggestive themes. However they are stick figures, so how much can you suggest? Anyway, I am slowly working my way through the archives, and I plan on linking my favorite ones later. I've found several that remind me of specific people, so I'll list those too. For now, go check it out on your own, and enjoy.

P.S. To those who know him, these cartoons are Boom with a little less pun, and a little more... social grace shall we say. <3

P.P.S No it's okay, there are several I don't get either.

Friday, August 24th, 2007

2007-08-24T08:26:00.000-06:00

My hips are sore, but it feels good. The tabby was sick yesterday, and I was worried, so I didn't get anything done. Well I got some stuff done, but not as much as I wanted to. So today is another day of maintaining what's done, and getting a little bit more finished. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when the house is in a maintainable state. Oh! Yes I do! Cook! That's right. My next big project is actually making real food to eat. We're starting with dinner and then adding some variety to lunch. All thoughts of nutrition aside, I just don't care enough to not eat cereal for breakfast. It's always worked for me, it's fast, easy, and gets stuff started. Why change a good thing?

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

2007-08-23T10:48:00.000-06:00

Back to the grindstone. Lost a little momentum this week, but hoping to pick it back up today. Here's to a clean house. Now to find out if tickets are still on sale. *cross fingers*

Nope. They're all gone. Not surprising, but very disappointing.

Monday, August 20th, 2007

2007-08-20T22:25:00.000-06:00

After a brief stint in a sucky guild, I'm into another one that should start raiding soon. I know none of this makes any sense to people who don't play, but suffice it to say, the attitudes of the leaders sucked, and it made it no fun to play. It's a GAME for Pete's sake, not a job. And the stuff we were doing is hard. It's supposed to be. You learn, you fail, you learn some more, you try again and see where it goes. That's the point. Wiping three times on a boss that half the raid has never seen before is not a big deal. It happens. It's supposed to happen, and if people can't handle that, meh. So I moved on. BF wants to be tanking more than dpsing and we found a guild that needs tanks and healers. I've got a healer, so it all works.

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

2007-08-18T17:17:00.001-06:00

Waiting is hard.

Friday, August 17th, 2007

2007-08-17T09:06:00.000-06:00

Another day, another walk, another post. I'm doing good. I'm hanging out up at the Dilts place (yay for wireless internet), and tonight is ladies night. Umm.... oh! I had a good night of playing WoW, got some good healing gear and my first ever raid experience. Woot! Now we'll see how well I can play and dodge baby drool at the same time.

Thursday, August 16th, 2007

2007-08-16T09:25:00.001-06:00

So this is mostly a place holder post, cause I want to get back into posting more often. I don't actually have anything particularly interesting to say. Went walking with her this morning. My legs are a little wiggly cause she walks fast, but it's good for me. It felt nice to get up early and go again. And I jogged a little on the way there cause there was a good song on my iPod. I meant to sleep later than I did, but the cats were whiney and I couldn't find my alarm clock, so I was worried about over-sleeping. If I've actually got someone to meet for some sort of workout I'm a whole lot more likely to go. I don't want to inconvenience anybody. Anyway, that's about it for now, off to clean the kitchen. Woot!

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007

2007-08-15T14:50:00.000-06:00

Well, the other half of the front room is done now. Almost. There's a box and a big fat compy monitor sitting in the entryway to his room, but since he's the only one who uses it, I'm letting it go. My sense of completion is bothered, but meh. I figured out a way I can take the window cover down pretty easily so now I've got a whole lot of natural light flooding the room. Window cover you ask? As I've mentioned before, we have a projector rather than a TV, so the room has to be relatively dark to use it for anything. The last projector he had was dimmer, so the room needed to be darker to really see it. So they hung two blankets over the window. This made taking it down and putting it back up a whole lot harder. The new projector is a whole lot brighter, so there can be more ambient light without causing problems. So I only hung one blanket back up rather than both. After washing them. Cause they were gross. I also got the trash and stuff out to the can, and out of the corner. I got everything dusted and vacuumed. Tomorrow I'll wash the walls. Then I'll start on the kitchen. Is it weird that I find this all very exciting?

Monday, August 13th, 2007

2007-08-13T15:11:00.001-06:00

Not too many people read this blog. This has a few disadvantages, namely my pride wanting a HUGE audience hanging on my every word; and a few advantages, meaning I avoid a huge audience which can lead to things like spam comments. Got my first one today. Oh well.
Got some work done on the front room (yay!) including getting the walls washed. A boyfriend who used to smoke in the house and now comes home covered in rebar dust leads to nasty walls. I got most of the cords and things tucked out of the way under the futon and the area vacuumed, dusted, etc. We'll see how long it lasts. ;o) Meanwhile, I'll start working my way through the rest of the house. Oh! I also swept off the porch. Our landlady hired a guy to work on some projects on the property. He's done a lot, and he gets it done fast. Anyway, our ghetto yard isn't looking so ghetto anymore, so I figured I sweep up the cigarette butts and dirt so the porch looks something resembling presentable. I love to have people over, and I wish it would happen more often, so my focus is usually on keeping the public areas of the house nice, and then I slowly try and make headway on the mess in my room and downstairs. Hint hint to those who know me personally, you all know my number, call me and come over! I have Mario Party and Guitar Hero.

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

2007-08-11T17:00:00.000-06:00

I posted some of the pics I've been taking with my new camera on my Flickr. Feel free to check it out and leave any comments. And of course: Congratulations to the newly married couple. You know who you are. *wink*

Wednesday, August 8th, 2007

2007-08-08T18:42:00.000-06:00

4 Jobs I Have Had:

1. Theatre Everything
2. Rifle Director
3. Asst. HA Director
4. Clerk

4 Movies I Can Watch Over & Over Again:

1. Labyrinth
2. The Incredibles
3. V for Vendetta
4. Batman Begins

4 Places I Have Lived:

1. Salt Lake City
2. Cedar City
3. The Grand Theatre
4. Camp Steiner

4 Favorite TV Shows:

1. Firefly
2. Babylon 5
3. Gargoyles
4. Any of my childhood cartoons

4 Of My Favorite Places That I Have Been:

1. Camp Steiner
2. Experience Music Project (Seattle)
3. Crystal Cathedral side chamber (California)
4. Disneyland!

4 Favorite Foods:

1. Chicken Caesar Salad
2. Homemade Fudge
3. Club Sandwich from Paradise
4. Chocolate Fondue

4 Favorite Websites I Check Daily
1. My Google Reader
2. My Blog
3. My Google Home
4. World of Warcraft (hey it's on the web)

4 Favorite Hobbies:

1. World of Warcraft
2. Casual internet gaming (see jayisgames.com)
3. Recording clips for podcasts
4. Video games

4 Places I Would Rather Be (or that I want to go to):

1. In his arms
2. California for the premiere of Paradise Lost
3. Disneyland with friends
4. On the Royal Clipper

4 Friends I Would Like To Tag.....Tag You're It!

1. Andy
2. Heather
3. Fred
4. John

Friday, August 3rd, 2007

2007-08-03T12:22:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday To ME!

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007 PS

2007-08-01T22:27:00.001-06:00

I wasn't going to mention this, but I'm so proud I'm going to brag a little. I made it into my first podcast. I listen, thanks to my baby and the wonderful iPod he bought me, to a podcast dedicated to WoW. Yes I am a nerd. Anyway, it caught my interest, and they welcome submissions from listeners, so I recorded a few sentences and sent it in. I did a small bit on how the women of WoW need a voice, and how that voice should be me. Anyway, here's a link to their site, I'm sure you can find the cast somewhere there. I'm way to the end; about three minutes back roughly. I sent another segment in for this week's cast. I'll let you all know if they use it.

Edited: Heh, forgot my links.

The Instance
The Podcast

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

2007-08-01T11:38:00.000-06:00

Wow. I can't believe it's August already. I didn't go running this morning because I just woke up and it's 11:30. I really need to get on some sort of sleeping schedule. Yesterday felt really good. Today I plan on getting some laundry and the dishes done, and then I'll see if I can sneak in some Zelda before giving into my WoW addiction. A few people came over last night to play Mario Party, and we had a lot of fun. Playing with those guys brings back a lot of memories. Which reminds me, I got some email to my MySpace about a reunion. I think it's funny I'm invited when I didn't graduate.

Tuesday, July 31th, 2007

2007-07-31T07:13:00.000-06:00

I've decided I'm not going back to the shop. I'm going to call today to let her know. I really enjoyed my run, got farther than I had before, and really broke through some walls. It was nice being up before the sun, and running before it gets hot. I saw three men over the age of 60 at least running at the park this morning. It gives me hope. We watched Neverending Story 2 last night. We watched the first one the night before. The first one is definitely better. He got me a camera for my birthday, and because he wanted me there to pick it out, we got it early. I've been playing around with it, and I'll get to posting some of them on Flikr. I'll post a link when I've got some up.

Tuesday, July 24th, 2007

2007-07-24T09:44:00.000-06:00

For the first time in four weeks I feel like I've gotten enough sleep. I think I've finally started to catch up on the exhaustion of the last month. Camp was good in many ways, but in the ways it counts, camp was hell. And all of it made worse by a complete lack of sleep. So I resigned. I finished out the week, and very happily came home. Now I need to decide if I'm going to go back to the scout office. I like the extra cash, and the people, but I also like the freedom of getting up when I want to. So we'll see. It's not a choice I need to make just yet. For now I'm just going to relax and recover.

I'm Back

2007-07-21T22:19:00.001-06:00

Earlier than scheduled, I have returned from camp to get back to normal living. Woot!

Friday, June 22nd, 2007

2007-06-22T08:33:00.000-06:00

So I'm headed up to camp on Sunday. I will be back in town every weekend in August. The first for my birthday, which he has promised will be amazing, the second for their wedding, and the third because camp will have ended. Other than that I have no idea and make no guarantees whether I'll be back in town before then or not. I'm going up there with the intention of at least being able to stay, but until I have my own transportation, I'm somewhat at the mercy of others. I have to get my laundry done every weekend after all.
I've enjoyed work the last few weeks. I like the people I work with, and the money has been a timely boon. I am certain that I don't want to go full time, even if the position came open. I'm not sure if I want to return to work when I get back from camp or not. We'll have to see. I am going to get the little kitten from his mom. She's decided she doesn't want the hassle of another kitten, thought she does want to hold onto him until I get back from camp. We're going over there tonight, so maybe that will change, maybe not. I'm sure there's more I could write here, but my mind is occupied with thoughts of camp, so I will say adieu until at least next weekend, if not longer.

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

2007-06-16T08:24:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, thanks to three wonderful men, I once again have a Wii. I got Zelda and Wii Play, which is similar Wii Sports, the game that comes with the Wii. It's working just fine with our projector, though I have had to move the projector off the mantle so I have somewhere to stand. Some time later today I will hopefully be getting things set up to connect it to the net, and then I'll look into hooking up with the other Wii and getting my Mii.

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

2007-06-14T22:09:00.001-06:00

Yes I am a comment whore. I was going to leave this blog unannounced and simply let people trickle in or not. However, I am madly in love with logging in and seeing "you have unmoderated comments" on the front page. So I have, as you all have seen, broadcast my presence once again. I love this particular look, I've used those eyes as a theme several times. I believe I've got the same cat on my myspace page. So hello everyone! Wecome back, or just welcome whatever the case may be.
I've got a bit of a headache this evening, but it's going away. Tomorrow is going to be a glorious day. It's payday, I'm getting a massage, and I don't have work Saturday. I work Monday and Tuesday next week, and then assuming I can find a way to get there, Thursday I head up for some early set-up, and next Monday I head up for the summer for good.
The three of us had a good talk when we got home. Aired some concerns, thoughts, assumptions that we'd all been having, and brought us back into the world of honest communication. I feel much better about the way things are headed. I hung out at the house for a little while this evening, but people were engaged in video entertainment, and I just wasn't in the mood. She got frustrated with him while I was there, which frustrates me, and they got all set to disappear again. With all of that combining around me, I figured I'd just head out. And I always miss my baby when I'm away. Especially with camp coming up, I want to get in as much time as possible.

Thursday, June 14th, 2007

2007-06-14T07:50:00.000-06:00

This blog has mostly been chronicling the events of my life. I keep names out of it, and I don't mind that it's confusing to people unfamiliar with my life. I've had a lapse in posts, but not for lack of things happening. At the same time, there hasn't really been anything different going on at all. Work is the same, home life is roughly the same. My interactions with most people remain about the same. The major difference in the last few days? Love.
Overwhelming and all-encompassing love. He gives it to me, and I can't help but direct it right back at him. It gives me a peace that is nearly untouchable. (I do still have a temper after all.) It makes me feel powerful, like I could do anything in the world with him at my side. It makes me smile just thinking about it. People on the train must think I'm nuts as I sit there grinning like a fool.
Yesterday he cleaned the room downstairs. He told me he was pushed into starting through a phone conversation, but he worked and finished it all for me. He's let so much anger and pain go because he doesn't want to focus on it any longer. He wants to put all of his focus into me. He wants me to be happy, because then he is happy.
There just aren't words. I wish there were. I wish I had words to shout from the rooftops about how incredible it feels to be truly and so unselfishly loved. And to be able to love that person in return.

Tuesday, June 12th, 2007

2007-06-12T22:17:00.000-06:00

Man this year is going by quickly! And I've got a lot to say, but it's bedtime. I just wanted to stop in and say I'm still here, and I'll try for a longer update soon.

Friday, June 8th, 2007

2007-06-08T07:28:00.000-06:00

So the dentist decided the problem could be fixed without removing the tooth. He did a partial root canal and a temporary filling, which he'll have to go back and get taken care of within the next few months. He's in some pain this morning, but he says it's lessening rapidly, and he thinks it's all associated with the procedure, rather than being the same pain he had with the infection.
Four of us went to dinner last night at Squatters. I had a pretty good burger. I still have half of it for lunch today. My mother took me to Chuck-A-Rama for lunch yesterday. I appreciated it, because I hadn't brought anything to eat. I'm off to another day of work!

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

2007-06-07T18:38:00.000-06:00

He's on his way home from the dentist. He sounded pretty loopy on the phone, but fortunately he's not driving. Here's hoping everything went well, and that it all goes well from here.

Wednesday, June 6th, 2007

2007-06-06T10:32:00.000-06:00

Today's intention is to get a lot done. He's working a twelve hour day today, so I hope to get a lot done while he's out. Maybe so far as get everything set up to move the bench. He would like me to pass a "thank you" on to my faithful reader for picking up the yogurt for us the other day. I want to get things set up for us to bring home the kitten soon. And I'm just feeling productive.
I talked to her yesterday, and it was a conversation of saying things and listening to what's unsaid. I hope one day to have them comfortable with him coming with me to visit. I think on the most part they would be, but she'll be the one most uncomfortable the longest. When I got home I talked to him about the things she and I had talked about and he grounded me like he always does. He asked if I was going to camp to run away. To escape. I said no. I'm going to give myself a chance to refresh. To go somewhere away for a while just to relax and reset. He then reminded me that all of this drama is done when I decide it's done. I asked him to keep reminding me of that. I give her the power to affect me, and I can take away that power whenever I choose. No one else can take power from me, only I can give it to them. I'm still working on wrapping my brain around that idea.

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

2007-06-05T21:10:00.001-06:00

I wonder how many "I am content" posts are to convince the poster?

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

2007-06-05T07:18:00.000-06:00

It's a beautiful morning. I woke up at about 6:30 and just lay around for a little while. I love waking up with enough time for my morning to be unhurried. I hate being rushed through a morning or a meal. Though I will say I don't have nearly the propensity for sitting around and chatting afterward as others. I've got a few bug bites on my arms that itch like crazy. A reminder to pick up garlic pills for the summer.
Yesterday was a pleasant day off. We went to dinner and then to pool with a friend, and then I went to do laundry at my parent's place. Not as pleasant. For some reason she finds it necessary to... Well never mind. I don't know what's going on with her. I've got better things to think about. I'm very much looking forward to going up to camp for a number of reasons. So many things I want to get away from for a while. Camp doesn't exactly leave me a whole lot of time to think, but it'll be a chance to relax. Some little part of me that remembers previous years just started laughing very hard. I've never been so stressed in my life as my first year at camp, and my third year we had a boy die. Not exactly paradise. Oh well, there are always a lot of good times too. I'm looking forward to the weekends, when I can just chill, drive into Evanston, do some hiking, whatever.
At this point I should be getting ready to go to work.

Monday, June 4th, 2007

2007-06-04T12:45:00.000-06:00

Hallo to my lone reader! Yes you are welcome to post comments, and thank you for the compliment over my running. This weekend was good. Talking things out with him that morning really helped. He makes me see where I'm being silly, and he reminds me that I'm not the only one suffering. And then he reminds me over and over that he loves me. It makes everything okay.

We went to his mom's house to go swimming. I got to meet the little kittens we'll be bringing home soon. The fiesty one is black and white, and love attention. The girl is calico-colored, and she's sick. She fights being fed, and she's very very weak. They're not sure she'll make it. There was a third that had already died. They were very young when they were found, just a few weeks old, and their survival rate is low. But that little black and white male is going strong. She wants to hold onto him for another week, but then we'll bring him home.

I was worried about getting the kitten now since I'm going away to camp, but he told me this is the first time in a long time he hasn't had animals around and he's looking forward to the kitten just as much as I am. And he's a sweetheart to watch when he was playing with the kitten. Not like my last one. He had a little bit of a mean streak. I'm glad he feels the same way as I do on so many things.

I got to hang out with a long time friend of mine, chatted with another friend, and put together a 3D puzzle this weekend. I don't have work today, or Wednesday, so I'm just relaxing. I may be going up to camp earlier than expected, at which point these posts will be much farther between.

Saturday, June 2nd, 2007

2007-06-02T07:37:00.001-06:00

I love my baby. He's one of the best things that's ever happened to me.

Friday, June 1st, 2007

2007-06-01T22:02:00.000-06:00

I don't know what I'm doing any more. I feel so insanely crazy. Maybe I'm not as over it as I think, maybe I don't want to be, maybe I'm just desperate for attention, but I was really disappointed when he didn't come back. What was I expecting. He's said he never wants to see me again, and from what I hear through the grapevine he's sticking to his guns. I feel myself being drawn back to the life I had with him.

I tried to wake him up when I got home. He was asleep on the living room floor. He's impossible to wake up, especially if he's been asleep for a while, but not more than a few hours. He hits that deep sleep state and there's no doing anything with him. I've even half picked him up in an attempt to get him to wake up and he refuses. I want some attention now that I'm home, and he gets angry at me for trying to wake him up. So I gave up. It's not worth the time and the energy and the frustration. At this point he can sleep out on that floor all night.

God I'm just running myself in circles in my head. And I have nowhere to turn. I can't talk to either of them about it, and my closest confidante is very biased on the subject. I either don't feel close enough, or have enough respect for an opinion from anyone else. I'm starting to regret the choice I made, but I don't know if it's for the right reasons. I'm so not ready to be making these kinds of choices in my life. I just want to run away from it all and start over again, but I know the problems will just follow me. I'm the source of the problems. I just don't know how to fix it.

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

2007-05-31T21:31:00.000-06:00

So yesterday was an adventure. Short version: his abscess burst, creating a ton of nastiness, but relieving the unbelievable pain he was in. The next morning I spent THREE HOURS trying to find a dentist available that day. Because of the swelling, he could only open his mouth about wide enough to put a pinkie finger part of the way between his teeth. They gave him a crazy-strong antibiotic to get the infection so the swelling will go down, and then they'll pull his tooth.
It was really nice to be able to be there for him.
And now it's time for bed.

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

2007-05-29T19:53:00.000-06:00

Whewf. A good day. A busy day, with some stumbling blocks a bit, but a good day. Yesterday on the other hand was miserable until almost the very end. I just kinda got over it at the end, but up until then I was almost in tears all day thinking myself in circles. And then when he told me his problem was that he had to suffer from it I almost lost it right there on the way home. Of all the people I expect to comfort me, and there he was complaining about it. Thank the good lord for sleep and the rationality it brings.
I realized this morning, and last night somewhat, that I'm creating my own problems, and if I allow it, my problems with disappear. I can destroy what I've created, including problems. I also can't control the thoughts or choices of my fellow human beings, and to fret over that fact is just plain a waste of everything. Time, energy, good opportunities for happiness... etc. And I also realized that my poor boy is in a LOT of pain. When I picked him up from work today he said he was going to try and stick it out to Friday, but tonight he's saying it has to happen tomorrow. I know I haven't got the sweetest disposition in the world when I'm sick or in pain, I can't expect him to be happy with my thrusting my burdens upon him when he's in this state. Hopefully we can take care of the problem tomorrow.
As for right now, I think I'm going to go for a ride, a nice long one, and say hello to some friends.

Monday, May 28th, 2007

2007-05-28T17:06:00.001-06:00

I'm pretty frustrated right now. Everyone's at their house at a barbecue, and once again, he's there so I'm not invited. His friend finally got into town, so he's probably there with them, and the only thing I can think about is everyone laughing and having a good time. I wonder if any of them miss me, or if they sit around and talk about me. I had an argument over whether or not I was being silly about the whole thing, and whether or not anyone sees him as a victim and blames me. I know at least one does.
I'm starting to think I'm just going to show up at these things. It is his choice as to whether he stays or not, and if anyone else has an opinion on the matter they can come to me with it. I'm tired of missing out on the fun for his sake. I've been holding off for their sakes as well, assuming that they would purposefully balance out the time. But it's become obvious that isn't going to happen, and if people are going to feel awkward in the midst of confrontation let them.

Sunday, May 27th, 2007

2007-05-27T15:43:00.000-06:00

We had a long talk last night and worked a lot of things out. I just have to remember that I'm not the only one suffering through this process. He'll be able to explain a lot more later, when everything is taken care of. Until then I've asked him not to talk to me about it at all; my curiosity can't handle the strain.
Work yesterday went well. One of my new coworkers came in, even though he wasn't scheduled, and I think we'll get along well.
After work, they picked me up and we all went to his parent's place for dinner. He says his mother must like me, cause she doesn't invite much. I like her too, so I'm not complaining. We helped set up their pool. It's 16 feet in diameter, and about 4 feet deep when it's full. It's a pretty nifty design. The rim of the pool is inflated, and the walls bow out slightly, so the force of the water inside is what makes it keep its shape. No frame or anything.
My model car is slowly coming together. I'm not a fan of the paint job in a few places, and it doesn't fit perfectly in others, but I'm having a lot of fun putting it together. I actually got both hoses glued in, which I had given up on ever happening. The exhaust shield broke, so it's not going in, and the oil fill cap, which is about the size of the 't' at the beginning of this sentence, fell off for the third time and I can't find it, so I've stopped caring. It'll probably be finished either today or tomorrow, we'll see how it goes.
I did go running this morning, and did better than I expected to. He came with me, and I enjoyed his company, but I also like the quiet when I'm by myself. Yay for being able to have both. I'm excited for the day I go all the way around the park without stopping. I'll throw a party or something. I'll have to celebrate the day I do half too. Any excuse to party right?

Friday, May 25th, 2007

2007-05-25T19:05:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know. Creative, blogging to the date, but seeing as this is meant more as a journal than anything else, it fits. Deal. ;o)
Just got back from my first day of work. I enjoyed it, though the standing on my feet all day is likely going to get old. Just means I have a good excuse to get a nice pair of shoes. I have a pretty good excuse to get three nice pairs of shoes actually. One pair to run in, one pair for camp this summer, and one pair for working/standing a lot. I'm making a smidge more than I thought I'd get, and less than I used to, but something is more than nothing, and I'm not working to live. Greatest blessing of my life.
He's mad at me today for some reason. Or just being short. Or something, but all he said when I got home was hi, and I asked how he was and he said good. The end. Sometimes he does this. He just shuts down and I have no idea why, I just have to wait it out. Fortunately, it makes for an excellent reason to practice just not stressing stuff.
My first day of work was good, somewhat hectic. It's all new, so I'm trying to learn and help people at the same time. Fortunately the people I'm working with tend to be rather good-natured by nature and they were all very understanding and kind. I looked pretty damn good in the mirror this morning, if I do say so myself. I put a little eye and lip stuff on just to add to the effect. I got two full uniforms, so I've got shirts that actually fit, and will look much better on me than the baggy one I had before.
I like the woman I'm working for, and I haven't met any of my coworkers yet, nor will I tomorrow, so I have a chance to adapt to the job before I have to deal with the people. I like the organization I'm working for, and working where I am will give me a chance to... experiment with my relationship with my mother. That sounds sadistic and unattached, but it's not. Well it's not sadistic anyway. My lack of attachment to my mother should be legendary at this point.
It all comes down to another lesson I've been learning: setting an example. Calling someone on their bad behavior doesn't often accomplish much. And it certainly should not be an excuse for your own retaliatory bad behavior, though it often is. Sometimes the best way to deal with someone is to set a good example. At least this is the theory. And I'm experimenting upon this theory with my mother. It already happened on the way home from work.
I was talking about weddings, though I don't exactly remember how we got on the subject. I mentioned I was happy I have the chance to do it twice, because I got the super casual one, and next time I can head more for the "once in a lifetime fairy moment" type wedding. Her next comment: well, we're not paying for the next one. We'll only pay for it once. I wasn't talking about paying for it. The next one isn't anything more than a daydream at this point in time, why the hell would I ruin a good daydream with "who's going to pay for it?" And I proceed to tell her so. Not in so many words, but that's the idea.
I think I am now going to go running. I'd rather go in the morning when there's less people around to watch (not that they're actually watching me, I just think about it), and it's cooler. But I didn't go this morning, for all that I had plenty of opportunity, and it would be a good way to get out some of this frustration I've been feeling since I got home. But then there's the part of me that is really hungry, and has already realized there isn't actually anything in the house to eat, and there aren't any clean dishes to eat off of. Because I haven't gone shopping or done dishes. I don't know how these people survived before I got here. It's actually kinda gross to think about. I mean, they survived obviously, and they'd continue to survive without me, but it's sure not how I'd like to live.
And I just remembered why I don't usually wear makeup: I like to rub my eyes once in a while. Eye rubbing and mascara don't go well together. Well, unless you're going for the "lets see how ugly I can look" look.
P.S. According to my spell-checker, smidgen and midge are both words, but smidge is not. Oh well!

Hallo again

2007-05-22T11:21:00.000-06:00

What can I say, I just can't get away from the call of journalling for an audience.

For me

2007-05-22T10:35:00.000-06:00

I like where we are, when we drive in your car. I like where we are, Here.